COMMONS CONFIDENTIAL: JULY 2006!

Commons Confidential: July 2006

POLITICAL DIARYBy Nick Assinder Political correspondent, BBC News website Despatches from the House of Commons.

0930 GMT, WEDNESDAY 19 JULY
For those who fear politicians believe they are above the law, here are a couple of cases where the law's view that all men are equal (i.e either criminals or potential criminals) has held firm.

Hill and Blair were banned from the roadsPrime Minister Tony Blair, who is already apparently preparing for a chat with the Met on other matters, fell foul of an eagle eyed officer as he was planning a photocall with racing driver Damon Hill and a formula 1 car in Downing Street to mark the return of the motor show to London.
The vehicle arrived in sections and was assembled in the Ministry of Defence car park opposite Downing Street.
But as technicians attempted to wheel it the short distance across Whitehall to Downing Street they were informed by the officer that, as the car had no MoT, tax or insurance it could not take to a public road.
So Blair, Hill and entourage had to walk across the road for the picture opportunity before returning to No 10 for a reception to mark the event.
And no, Bernie Ecclestone was nowhere in sight.
Meanwhile, former Liberal Democrat leader Charles Kennedy discovered those colourful custodians of the Tower of London, the Beefeaters, are more than just tourist attractions.
Mr Kennedy was giving a TV interview near the Tower when he was approached by one of the Yeoman Warders, to give them their real title, and told he was causing an obstruction and should "move along please".

1200 GMT, TUESDAY 18 JULY
Oh dear, President Bush appears to have started a trend with his "Yo Blair" remark.

Check the microphone is off next time GeorgeThe prime minister's official spokesman opened this morning's daily lobby briefing in his normal way with a cheery (ish) "good morning" before adding to much hilarity, "or as we now say, Yo".
It is, of course, these overheard remarks not intended for public consumption that so often end up attaching themselves forever to politicians.
Remember John Major and the "bastards" in his cabinet who he promised to "crucify". It was taken to suggest a lack of authority.
The question now is how his successor as prime minister finds his overheard conversation with the US president interpreted.

1200 GMT, MONDAY 17 JULY
After giving Tory leader David Cameron a cuddly new image as a bike riding chameleon, Labour appears to have done it again.

A bit more free advertisingClick onto the official Labour party website and the first thing that greets you is a large picture of the Tory leader with, helpfully, his name in capital letters against a bright blue background.
Only after a short downwards scroll do you come to the bit that adds: "breaks his EPP promise".
I'm told Conservative Central Office is far from furious at this "attack" suspecting that many voters will have no idea what the EPP is.
"Just another bit of free advertising for our man," said one.

1200 GMT, THURSDAY 13 JULY
The once-infamous Annie's bar may have been shut down by the Commons accountants, but the spirit lives on in the shape of the Annie.

The annual Westminster pool contest goes onThis is the coveted trophy handed to the winner of the annual Annie's bar pool tournament, which has become one of the highlights of Westminster's social and sporting calendar.
The contest is still going ahead this year, with the support of MPs across all parties and including sports minister himself, Dick Caborn.
But where will the contestants play the early stages of the contest before the grand final on the Commons terrace bar in January?
Well, the pool table has been left in Annie's while the authorities work out what to do with the room they were so eager to get their hands on
So MPs and other contestants will have to play the early games in the old bar which has been stripped of all ornamentation and where they will no longer be able to get a drink.
That should concentrate their minds on the game.

1100 GMT, WEDNESDAY 12 JULY
Publicist Max Clifford has been involved in some of the juiciest scandals to have hit politics over recent years.

Clifford teased an audience of journalistsSo when he addressed a lunch with political journalists we were eager to hear what he might have to say about current affairs.
There was plenty he would like to tell us in private, he said. But, as his comments were on the record, he had to be more circumspect, he declared. The tease.
However, he did whet appetites by saying: "Who knows what might be happening in the not too distant future."
I suspect he knows, for one.

0930 GMT, TUESDAY 11 JULY
It looks like the World Cup is going to be remembered for two specific events - a kick in the shorts and a butt in the chest.

The kick that marred the world cupAnd the way the entire contest unfolded has clearly brought Labour's Glasgow MP David Marshall to the end of the tether.
He has tabled a Commons motion praising Germany for the way it ran the games, but he then lets rip.
He says the competition will be remembered for "the cheating, complaining to referees, cynical professional fouls, diving, elbowing, feigning injury, lack of sportsmanship, shirt pulling, simulation and time wasting by too many grossly overpaid so-called superstar players who behaved more like spoilt brats and set a disgraceful example to millions of young fans".
There's more, he points out that "a record number of red and yellow cards were dished out by referees, some of whom appeared to be incompetent and short-sighted".
And, turning on the football authorities, he adds "the discredited leadership of the President of FIFA did not help".
Blimey. Perhaps I should have watched some of it after all.

1630 GMT, THURSDAY 6 JULY
This is what counts as wit in the House of Commons.

What fun they had with Pope's nameWhen Labour MP Greg Pope was chairing the Commons committee debating a Church of England measure, Tory wag Sir Patrick Cormack brought the house down, apparently, by declaring: "This is a most historic day for the Church Of England because we are being presided over by a Pope.''
And yes, Mr Pope is a Catholic.
If you have recovered from that belter, here's a better one concerning the same MP.
Mr Pope was the subject of a genuinely funny practical joke when he first entered parliament in 1997 and was allocated his named cloakroom peg.
His tag - Pope, Gregory - was removed, had the number 1 added to it and was replaced next to the that of Democratic Unionist, the Rev Ian Paisley.
How they laughed.

1530 GMT, WEDNESDAY 5 JULY
Tory MP Peter Atkinson may not have endeared himself to some animal rightists with his campaign to save the red squirrel.

Grey squirrel said to be tastyBut I now fear he has also invoked the wrath of vegetarians.
Speaking during a debate on the future of Northumberland's red squirrels, he confessed that the last time he did so his office had been flooded with around 500 letters from people condemning him as "a cruel and evil man who wanted to exterminate grey squirrels".
But worse was to come, he went on to reveal he has now developed a bit of a taste for grey squirrels. Literally.
"At the risk of a further 500 letters, I have to say that I have actually tasted grey squirrel - they eat it in America.
"Although there is not a lot of meat on it, to say the least. It tastes rather like chicken and is quite palatable.''

1530 GMT, TUESDAY 4 JULY
Policemen at the Palace of Westminster are notorious for their mischievous sense of humour when it comes to dealing with tourists.

Big Ben's chimes have been silencedFor example, they once nominated a camera-shy constable as the "official" PC to be photographed by visitors eager to be snapped with a British bobby.
But the latest wheeze takes the biscuit.
Apparently when tourists ask why Big Ben has been silenced for work on the famous bell, they are told: "Because it's going digital."

Nick.Assinder-INTERNET@bbc.co.uk
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