ZIMBABWE - LETTER FROM THE DIASPORA!

January 9th 2009

Dear Friends,

It's not exactly an original observation but every week I find myself thinking, 'If it weren't so tragic, it would be funny!' I'm talking about events in Zimbabwe, of course. With every day that passes the situation becomes more surreal as the authorities use ever more nonsensical arguments to convince the long-suffering population that Mugabe's government is actually in control of the country and if it were not for pesky outside influences and foreign-inspired 'banditry' Zimbabwe would be just fine. Sanity and reason have flown out of the window as the regime clings ever more desperately to power.

Consider the events of this week alone: magistrates and judges hand down decisions which are immediately countermanded in other courts; the police totally ignore all of them and do what they want to do anyway; a Minister admits in court that the State ordered the detention of Jestina Mukoko and other MDC activists; Mugabe appoints 'Acting' ministers to his as yet unannounced cabinet; the 'Minister' of Education, none other than the hapless and hopeless, Aeneas Chigwedere, announces the postponement of the beginning of the first school term because last year's exam results are not available – not surprising really - the papers haven't even been marked yet! And if you need more evidence that the Zimbabwean ship of state is floundering on the rocks, you need look no further that the currency. Have you ever heard of a country where workers threaten to strike if they ARE paid? Zimbabwe's Mineworkers are threatening to withdraw their labour if they are paid in local currency! Zim dollars are now so useless that you can't give them away. Thanks to a friend visiting from home I am now the proud owner of a 50 billion dollar note. It's called a Special Agro Cheque – whatever that means - and I use it as book-mark. It makes for some very interesting conversations! The new 'Minister' of Finance by the way is none other than Patrick Chinamasa, what his expertise in finance is remains very unclear but then he didn't know much about justice either in his former post as 'Minister' of Justice did he? Not that it will make any difference, Gideon Gono is still there at the Reserve Bank to hand out precious forex whenever Mugabe tells him to, as for example when the Old Man goes on leave. For annual leave, read 'retreat'. George Charamba tells us the President will only spend part of his annual leave out of the country on holiday. Instead he will be 'on retreat' meditating on the future of his government we are told and no doubt that includes considering more diabolical ways to eradicate the MDC from the face of the earth. While Jestina Mukoko and the other activists rot in gaol and the cholera death rate rises and starvation looms ever closer, Mr Mugabe cogitates the way forward, or should that be the way out?

In yet another hysterical sign of the state's paranoid mindset three Boy Scout trainers are arrested in Ruwa. The three men actually advertise the training camps for scouts and tourists in the national press but that didn't stop the army mounting a military style operation on the training centre on the grounds that the three white men were training terrorists. The men have not been charged as yet but we hear they are still being held while the police investigate. "The men were all Selous Scouts," the police inform us, ergo they must be up to no good. I don't know much about modern scouting but I do know the Scouts' motto is 'Be prepared' but nothing can prepare you for the idiocy of Mugabe's henchman. With every day that passes they look more ridiculous as they seek to defend the indefencible. Compared to this lot, the antics of the Keystone Cops look like models of common sense!

Meanwhile the Herald does its best to make the MDC into Public Enemy NO.1 and portrays the party as riven by disagreement over the issue of joining Mugabe's Government of National Unity. 'Intense debate' they report has rocked the party's leadership as they discuss the way forward, to which I say 'Well good for them!' Open debate is a clear sign of democracy at work; only by frank and honest exchange of views can a democratic consensus be arrived at. Unlike Zanu PF whose party conference is no more than a faithful echo of His Master's voice, the MDC leadership at least listens to its membership. The decision they have to make is far-reaching in its consequences for the whole country, whether they should or should not join Mugabe's government is a delicate and complex issue and I for one will not condemn Morgan Tsvangirai on the basis of what the despicable journalists at the Herald report.

Back to the ridiculous: "Let them eat potatoes' Mugabe was reported as saying some years back when there was a maize shortage. " We have plenty of potatoes." Apparently we have plenty of elephants too and the jumbos are being slaughtered to provide food for Zimbabwe's soldiers. No maize, no potatoes, no mombes…so, like the punchline of a very poor joke, Let them eat elephants!

Yours in the (continuing) struggle PH